Thoughts on Being a New Parent

I'm just about to finish paternity leave and go back to work. Of course, paternity leave has been a profound time for me, and being a new parent is expanding my perceptions. Here are some things I have learned during this experience.

1. Breastfeeding is a shitload of work, and our culture does not value or recognize this work enough. It’s been quite lovely to watch Dana practice the art of breastfeeding, but damn, does she have to do it all the time. It’s amazing because it’s relentless work that takes patience and gentleness and the payoff is just as relentless. The relationship between food, growth and excretion is really clear right now, and it’s powerful (in a messy, smelly way) to see that relationship develop. So cheers to breastfeeding moms, who should be counted as heroes.¹


2. The stability of our relationships really helps make this easier. Figuring out what to do with this baby is testing our marriage. I am grateful that Dana and I have established habits of communication and compromise, as we have relied heavily on both these past few weeks. We have well-seasoned friendships with people we trust, many of whom are parents themselves, and we’ve called upon those friendships daily during Dana’s birthing time and our time at home. Our tribe continues to support us on both practical and emotional levels, and this support means I have never once felt alone as a new parent. I don’t think our culture talks about this either. We say it’s good to be married and have a stable circumstance, but we never say you should have a conscious network of supportive people around you. Sure, to a certain extent we encourage blood relatives to participate in child-rearing, but often times, this is unhealthy if those relatives are hostile or toxic. My wife’s parents, along with my brother and sister-in-law, have been extraordinarily kind and supportive throughout Dana’s pregnancy and the first few weeks of our daughter’s birth, and I would agree that blood relatives who are happily engaged in the process are ideal caretakers. However, a good friend who loves the new child and serves that child cheerfully is much better than a relative who brings negativity.


3. I have a new subcultural identity. Whereas in my day I have experimented with various subcultural scenes, I now find myself in the urban parenting subculture. We have special events with behavior codes outside of the norm (poop talk). We recognize each other by wearing certain uniforms (Ergo carriers and coffee cups). We use inside slang (“boppy”, “blowout”, “tummy time”). It’s pretty great because, like other subcultures, there’s wisdom and history to be had there, not to mention tribal identity.


4. My child and my friends’ children make me hopeful about the future. I’ve enjoyed time with my friends’ children so much. I’ve found them funny, innovative, and well cultured². I know that these children have the potential to make the world a much brighter place, and I’m excited to work together with them!


5. A healthy child is the greatest treasure I could ask for. When I walk down the street with my daughter wrapped snugly to my chest, people stop and stare, often starting conversations with me about her. Cars stop to let me cross and people hold doors for me. Everyone sincerely congratulates us on having a healthy baby, and many people really open themselves to sharing our joy. It’s encouraging to see people around me valuing this being as much as I do. Intellectually, I know we’re just attracted to cute babies for evolutionary reasons, but I still like people showering my baby with love and kisses and cuddles.

Overall, I couldn't be more excited to be at this phase of our lives. I have barely a clue what comes next, but I’m curious about all of it, especially about who this little person really is. She’s already shown a really positive response to music. In fact, as I write this, she’s asleep in her room with some of Dana’s massage therapy music on in the background. She’ll sometimes sleep a solid 3 hours like this, which these days is a huge treat. She also stopped stopped crying when I played Limp Bizkit for her the other day (What? I was experimenting!), so I know it’s not just the mellow music she responds to. A good friend told me it’s like we get a little sliver of their personality every day, and it eventually all adds up. Like anything, I’m sure there’ll be good days and bad days, but the experience of paternity leave has been quite fulfilling and life-affirming. I wonder what comes next...



1. I am sure that formula feeding brings its own set of challenges, and I am sure those moms are heroes as well. Breastfeeding was right for our family, so it’s the only experience to which I can speak.

2. I understand having the opportunity to be exposed to quality culture is an expression of class privilege. I believe it is a facet of class privilege which, like education, can be used in a benevolent and compassionate manner. Therefore I believe parents who have the opportunity to give their children good education and culture should do so, and teach them how to turn around and use that privilege for the good of their community.

Why Pelican?

For about the past 2 weeks, I've not been able to get the music of Pelican out of my head. I've been a fan since 2007, just before the release of their third full-length, City of Echoes, but I'm feeling this music more than ever lately. There's something special going on here - something that makes this music stand out above nearly all of the other music to which I listen. Of course, when it comes to it, great art is great due to some kind of je ne sais quoi, but there are certainly a few things I think I can put my finger on.

From minute one, the guitar work is interesting but accessible. Tempos vary from the very slow to the medium, and always the guitar sounds are in service to the song. The tones and textures harmonize perfectly and never do we hear indulgent guitar wankery. This is EXACTLY how I want my guitar: big, beautiful chords; rich, smooth distortion; cooperative layers of melody played with obvious passion. This facet alone makes Pelican's music a joy to listen to.

The instrumental aspect of this band is a big deal in a rock context. So much rock n roll - especially from the metal scenes which spawned Pelican - is focused on an expressive lead singer that we don't often get to hear well-developed compositions. Although their sound has consistent elements (see the paragraph above), they never resort to formulas or rehashing of old material. Therefore the Pelican discography is full of fresh riffs and rhythms, with little intricacies and musical relationships left for the listener to discover over time.

Finally, I think the thing that really makes my heart beat fast about this band is that they're getting better. While the first, untitled EP from 2001 is wonderful and quite listenable, their latest work on 2009's What We All Come To Need is easily my favorite stuff they've ever done, and the songs from their upcoming album, Forever Becoming are some of the best they've ever written. In interviews, the band talks about the way that touring has influenced their composition and performance style, and the payoff there is that this music is becoming ever more focused and expertly constructed.

For those frustrated with the state of contemporary rock, this is where we need to turn. Pelican uses their colorful, delicious style to explore big concepts related to both the urban and the natural world, but this ambition comes with no pretention. This is rock n roll for the pure loud joy of it, and I trust that joy to keep me coming back for more.

PJ Harvey "Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea" Commentary

I generally try to write about music in the historical present, with a focus on describing the sound itself. For this reason, this commentary has been quite challenging for me to write. I have such a deeply personal response to "Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea" that I simply have no way to listen to this album in a subjective manner. Each time I listen, this music fills my head with rich, evocative images of passionate, powerful times in my own life.

"Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea" is a masterpiece of rockcraft. The instrumentation sounds sparse (which I suspect is a well-crafted illusion) and this album stays accessible from start to finish. It's never abrasive; the intensity of this music comes from the imagery. This is a great album to put on at a cocktail hour, as it's pretty without being slow, and energetic without being aggressive.

Harvey sounds soulful here. At times barely controlled, she draws throaty, breathy pictures of moments between and within people. The album opener, "Big Exit", tells of moments of fear and disbelief and makes me think of times when I had to make a huge decision in a split second. "Good Fortune" celebrates companionship and makes me think of the early weeks and months of dating the woman who was to become my wife.

My favorite song on this record is "You Said Something", a vulnerable, open song about instants of intimacy in our lives, whisps of romance and friendship that come and go quickly and often leave behind much deeper meaning. We see the power of this band in the interplay between the string instruments and the ghostly harmonies. The imagery here gives me goose bumps every time I listen closely, because they perfectly invoke the ephemeral nature, the fleeting perfection of these moments.

It's the curse of a thoughtful adult to recognize that pivotal moments appear and disappear without warning, and the only way to stay sane is to let them go. This band has made a powerfully beautiful and timeless record by making it about the moments themselves - both the sensory and the emotional parts of our memories. Similarly, by avoiding more concrete topics and love song cliches, this music stays open to new interpretation upon repeated listening. That's the real power of a piece of art like this: a focus on imagery and very understandable - even universal - emotion means that it relates to each listener's life individually, and that relationship changes over time. I expect to love this album and to continue letting it make me feel pleasantly reminiscent for the rest of my life.

  

A Long Moment, Indescribably Sad

WARNING: This is an emotional post, and contains opinions that could be inflammatory to theists and the religious in general. I apologize for that. It is not my intention to hurt anyone. My opinions are my own, and I will not force them upon anyone. At the same time, I will not shy away from my true feelings. Please feel free to avoid the paragraph that begins "I am glad that my friend has religion." to skip this content. 

Children, rejoice in the deaths of your parents. Parents, be at peace when you close your eyes, and know that it is appropriate for you to have a beginning and an end. I am blessed to have witnessed my mother's passing as a child, with community and spirituality to give me context and meaning. I am not scarred for having this experience - in fact I am enlivened, for never have I labored under the illusion that I go on, and having met death, I have no reason to fear it. It is normal, good and beautiful for each of us to deal with the deaths of our parents.

This morning, just before I left for work, I learned that the child of a friend of mine from Cleveland had died, only months old, after spending her short life in the hospital with serious health problems. My heart broke instantaneously, and all I could do for a moment was cry. This is wrong, wrong, wrong. Backwards. Perverted. I have deep fundamental pain in my soul on behalf of this dear mother, and I know that my pain is but a sliver of hers. How can I go on to my day if a mother has lost her child? This is NOT the way of the world, it is NOT the cycle of life, and I am at a loss to see any context or meaning to this moment.

If there was someone or something I could hate for this death, I would. If there was anything I could do or say to help my friend, I would, but what is there? I, for better or for worse, am still here, and fucked up as it is right now, life goes on. I'm not okay with that, but what the fuck can any of us do? I went to work, I was polite to everyone, and I took care of today's responsibilities. Fuck that. We should all be weeping.

I am glad that my friend has religion. She is a christian, and believes in heaven. It is good that she has that belief to turn to today, and there's a part of me that wishes I had thoughts of heaven to comfort me. However, my spiritual thoughts today are ugly, and reinforce why I reject the idea of an anthropomorphic other-god. If there was a god who loved this family and who had any power at all to intervene, today would have been a day of healing and not of grief. From my perspective, clearly no such being exists. If one does, though, I am loath to worship such a being if it will not prevent any parent from seeing their child die.

If I had my way, this would never, ever happen again. In my world, all parents die at ripe old ages surrounded by children with whom they have made peace. This is not my world, though, and I will not have my way. I can do nothing to stop the wheel from turning backwards sometimes. All I can do is cry and mourn with my friend, and with all the parents out there who have ever lost their child. My heart is broken in my hands today, and I am handing it to you.

PJ Harvey "Is This Desire?" Commentary

Rarely have I heard an artist find her own voice as strongly or as clearly as Polly Harvey does on "Is This Desire?" This band has never lacked for originality, but this record shows such breadth of style and mood as to keep the listener guessing in a big way. To a certain extent, this effect is unsettling; I don't feel like I can trust Polly. She's both spilling her soul and playing devil's advocate on this album, and seemingly both at once sometimes. Case in point:  "The River" showcases Harvey's vulnerable side as she tells the story of a search for redemption. The choruses offer the seeker some relief, but the mournful horns remind us there must be a price. I want to believe she is singing about a place of peace, but I can't help but think she is singing about oblivion instead. This is a powerful use of Harvey's voice: to lyrically send the listener in one direction while tonally creating doubt and suspicion.

When I say that Harvey has found her voice, what I mean is this: her influences are no longer clear and nobody else sounds like her. This is a mixed blessing. On one hand, this album is undeniably masterful and exquisitely well-crafted. On the other hand, I recognize some of the song-crafting techniques we've heard in the band's previous releases, which means that Harvey has only partially met her goal of not repeating herself. That's not to say that any of these songs would have fit on any of their previous albums, but more to note that some of them sound like the maturation of musical ideas the band introduced on those albums.

However, "Is This Desire?" very much features PJ Harvey expanding their repertoire of instrumentation. We hear guitars on nearly every song, but they're always processed through various effects, which is great fun. There's also a plethora of electronic noises spread all throughout this album. These sounds are wonderful: they're textured, unique and rhythmic, and they reflect Harvey's continued courage in embracing new styles. "Joy" brings the guitars and the electronics together to create a gothic, almost industrial dirge. On this song, Harvey's voice sounds like strength through pain. This is part of the distinctive power of that voice: she faces emotional darkness seemingly fearlessly. In doing so, she sets a high bar for the listener. She will tell us sincerely of her soul, but we have to accept all sides thereof.

Here is the payoff for facing the darkness: when PJ Harvey rocks, they ROCK. "The Sky Lit Up", "No Girl So Sweet" and "A Perfect Day Elise" (my personal favorite) are all full of melodic fury. They're very listenable, and they highlight another facet of Harvey's having found her voice: With nothing to prove, and their rock cred established, PJ Harvey really tone down the abrasiveness on this album. All of these songs are quite accessible, well produced, and worth revisiting over a number of listens.

"Is This Desire?" continues PJ Harvey's tradition of pushing their limits musically, and what this means is that this record achieves a very difficult goal: it balances the sophistication of experienced artists with the raw newness of working with new instruments and new styles. Thus, the band sounds both confident and hungry and the energy of this record lingers on.

Mask Party Review (Soundtrack in Retrospect)

Track 3: Fugazi - Waiting Room

I am standing in the long June evening surveying my yard with an old friend. He throws metal horns when he hears this song. We take a moment and sing together, "I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait." Another candidate for "anthem of a generation". We say music nerd code words to each other ("Ian MacKaye", "Steady Diet") and laugh at the way different parts of the US interpret sub-cultural identities. Women take note: this is how some men actually bond.

Track 19: Information Society - What's on your Mind (Pure Energy)

50% of crowd sings along to this song. They remark to the other half as to the medium upon which they listened, such as "cassingle", "recorded from radio" or "my first cd". The medium is the message.

Track 30: Foster The People - Call It What You Want

"Dude, what IS this?"

Track 52: Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)

My wife and I have an independent approach to social gatherings. We tend to have separate experiences at parties - hanging out more with other friends than each other - so we make it a point to come together for 1 or 2 songs specifically to dance together. When I mix the music, I always choose a song or two for that purpose. When this song came on, I ran to get her: "Honey, our song's on!" She came to the dance floor, cocked an ear to the ridiculous introduction of the 12 minute original album version of the song, and sat down with her head in her hands. "You brought me in here for this?" she cried. "I was winning at Susie sticks!"

Track 54: Kanye West featuring Rihanna - All Of The Lights

This track takes me right out of my head every time. Rihanna's voice and the hypnotic beat make me stop and listen. Tonight is the first time I've heard the song as it's meant to be heard: loud, on a full dance floor. On the final chorus, we all close our eyes and raise our hands. It lasts just an instant.

Track 58: Mark Ronson featuring Ghostface Killah - Lose It (In The End)

There's a dude I can count on to come running from anywhere to come dance to this song. I smack his ass.

Track 65: David Guetta featuring Akon - Sexy Bitch

"Is your friend always so flirty?"
"She is, and her husband is the smartest man in a hundred mile radius, with the earning potential of any 10 other party guests put together, so good luck with that."

Track 85: Phoenix - Lisztomania

Everyone knows this song, and loves it. I notice that there's something about the melody and vocal delivery here that appeals across demographic lines. Note to self: always play this one at mixed-generation weddings.

Track 99: The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name

This jam reverberates in my house. Everything meshes, and for a moment, the sound is perfect. Giant, clear, booming even. All the furniture in my living room is pushed back, and a circle of dancing people fills the space. Somebody calls out, "break up the circle!" and we switch: bouncing around in pairs, sandwiches and trains, avoiding the strange instinct to make circles. Our cheerleader is right: spread the energy around - don't keep it all contained. I love that every gathering has lessons like this.

Track 104: Justice - D.A.N.C.E.

This turns out to be the last proper party song of the night. It's a benediction, reminding us to take the lessons we learned on the dance floor tonight out into the world.

Track 110: The Pixies - Head On

This song is too loud. My house is warm, and smells like only house parties can smell. I can tell it's going to be awful in the morning, but that comes with the territory. Someone has cleaned my kitchen, and I remember again why it is that I count my riches in friends.

Track N: Groove Armada - At The River

The party tells me it's over, and I send off the evening sitting down by myself to cleanse with the sand dunes and salty air. I imagine all my guests home and safe, ready to nurse hangovers and nap on the couch tomorrow. I turn off the lights, drink one more glass of water, and remember to brush my teeth.

PJ Harvey "To Bring You My Love" Commentary

     "To Bring You My Love" has me completely baffled. It's the only PJ Harvey album to contain a proper hit, "Down By The Water". (Typical response to this song: "PJ Harvey? I thought that was Tori Amos.") Its pacing and mercilessly in-your-face production make this album an exercise in patience and puzzling. The opening title track is enough to turn off the casual listener, with stoner-rock slowness and Harvey's refusal to hurry the vocal progression. I'm not saying this is a bad album - I'm saying it's challenging and complicated.
     The ghost of the blues haunts this record. There are no turnarounds or classical blues structure, but Harvey's voice is smoky and sweet,  (She's clearly a siren of some kind.) and some of this music is sad, though none of it sounds angry or depressed - this is the music of survivors, not victims. However, there's no mistaking "To Bring You My Love" for anything but a rock and roll album, especially once we start the 2nd half of the album with the head-banging "Long Snake Moan". This song uses much the same pacing as the rest of the album, but we get to hear Harvey really open up her voice to show us her soulful side. Harvey's vocal performance coupled with a fantastic wall of noise reminiscent of other Flood-produced jams like Smashing Pumpkins' "Tonight, Tonight or Nine Inch Nails' "Wish" gives us maybe the best song on the album in "Long Snake Moan".
     I can't fault anyone who thought Tori Amos sang "Down By The Water." On this track, Harvey sings delicately about water and women over a cold electronic melody and a cello. It really would make a great Tori song.
     I've listened to "To Bring You My Love" a lot lately, trying to figure it out, and I still don't get it. There's a certain dark beauty in this music, but it's really very ethereal. I try to hear shapes and patterns in this music, but it morphs and sounds different the next time. I'm honestly not sure I entirely trust this album. There could be something very redemptive going on here, or there could be something monstrous.
    

We have to talk about rape.

I am angry. A dear friend who I've loved for a long time recently came out as a rape survivor. I wish I could say I was shocked. I'm not. Rape is commonplace, and therefore I am angry. Disagree with my premise if you will, but I urge you to look it up. I've been shocked by the numbers, the chronic underreporting, the codes of silence and the constant belittlement of the survivors, so I am not shocked by one more sad story. I am angry, and my voice is my weapon.

All I can do is speak out. I will not fight anyone; I will not do violence to even the basest of my fellow humans. I WILL shed verbal light on rape culture, and I WILL work openly and constructively to manifest a world free of the oppression of patriarchy. I will tell the men in my circle that their joke is not funny:  it's all I can do. It's enough, though. Though I hope I never have to again, I will listen to the women who come out to me. I will BELIEVE THEM, and be angry on their behalf. It's all I can do, but it makes a difference.

One night when I was angry about rape, I went into a large field with a heavy bag - the kind one uses for boxing practice - and an aluminum baseball bat. I stood in that field and screamed till I was hoarse and beat that heavy bag like it was everything I had ever hated in the world. This was a beautiful night in my life because I learned that my anger was very real and very healthy. Some things are worth being angry about. I also learned that I can use that anger to fuel change. I am a different person because I met my anger that night. I urge all of you who are angry with me to beat the crap out of a heavy bag.

When you're done, come back and join the conversation. Let's talk about a future without patriarchy. Let's talk about a future where everyone gets to express strength and gentleness without being held to arbitrary gender-based standards. We're still a few generations away, but we're on our way. We still seem stuck on some dangerous old ideas about what it means to be men and women.

Rape is, at its core, an expression of patriarchal power. This is bad news because globally speaking, patriarchy is everywhere. However, this is good news because it means we can grow past it as a species. That growth starts with me and my anger.

PJ Harvey - "Rid Of Me" Commentary

A note on nomenclature: I remember reading in Spin magazine that "PJ Harvey" refers to the band of which Polly Jean Harvey is the lead vocalist. Contemporarily, I hear and see the two names used interchangeably, but I think it's artistically very incorrect to dismiss the artists with whom Polly Jean surrounds herself as a songwriter. That is to say: "Rid Of Me" does not sound like a singer-songwriter album. It sounds like a rock band album. So I will continue to differentiate: when I say "PJ Harvey" I mean the band. Otherwise, I mean the woman herself.

With my musical heart left well behind in the mid 90s, "Rid Of Me" looms larger than life. This has always been an intimidating record to me. Today, listening to it reminded me of the paradox of healing: we must face that which hurts us if we are ever to heal from it. To be fair, there are parts of this album that are seriously not comfortable to listen to. It's very dynamic: the loud parts are loud, and the quiet parts are very quiet. It's as if the band means to draw our ears close to the speaker just to blow our eardrums out. That's what happened to me the very first time I listened to this album: I put the cassette in, but I could hardly hear the first song, so I turned it up. Next thing I know, some woman is screaming, "Don't you wish you never met her?!" and my parents are yelling at me to turn down the racket. Ever since then I've struggled to come to terms with the fierce emotion the band glorifies in this music.

The reason "Rid Of Me" is so challenging is that it yields deep rewards. Much as healing often leaves us scarred but wiser, this album leaves me feeling grounded, sane and refreshed. I am much better for having faced the stranger, darker parts of myself that this record brings up. "Rub Till It Bleeds" is a perfect example. Noticeably the longest song on the album, it starts off sounding JUST like something Liz Phair could also have released in 1993. When the bass kicks in, though, we know we're in for a little something extra here. Polly Harvey has fucking SOUL, and she's punctuated by a drum performance so full of brass it could be a whole marching band. This song features that brass just as strongly as it features Harvey's unstoppable voice. If "Dry" (the album) was Harvey's invocation of ancient female energy, "Rid Of Me" (the album) is her demonstration that she has her finger on the source of that energy - these songs are a bold redefinition of femininity very true to the heart of third-wave feminism.

A very interesting feature of "Rid Of Me" is its construction as an album. In the fashion of many great pieces of music designed to be played on vinyl, "Rid of Me" has two distinct sides. From the title track opener to a nearly-unrecognizable"Highway '61 Revisited", the band plays thoughtful, midtempo rock built on alternating clean and pleasantly distorted guitars. The second side, from "50 Ft Queenie" to "Ecstasy" shows off a faster, more punk-influenced side of the band. Polly sounds somewhat more desperate and less sure of herself than on the first side, which lends to the seriously underground sound of the second half of this album. It's apt to note the similarity to the 2nd half of Nirvana's masterpiece, "In Utero", which was the next album Steve Albini produced after "Rid Of Me". Also similarly to "In Utero", the second half of "Rid Of Me" is a proper goldmine for repeated listening. Albini's raw, minimalist production really lets the songs speak for themselves here, and that gives this album a timeless quality.

The 2nd half of "Rid Of Me" has 2 songs that shine as amazing deep cuts. "Yuri-G" is a full-on imaginative romp. The bass is almost too low in pitch for me to hear, but I can certainly FEEL it. At the same time, Harvey's voice is tripled, maybe quadrupled over itself, showcasing a lot of her vocal prowess at once, which is a real treat. "Dry" may be the best song on the whole album, but it also may be one of the most bitter songs I've ever heard. Its chorus stretched out agonizingly slow, "Dry" is almost a parody of pop music, but it harbors a hauntingly memorable melody, and makes very clear the vulnerability and sincerity of Polly Harvey's songwriting. The album ends with an extended slide guitar solo, which is about as blues-influenced as one can get, and this solo is one of the big payoffs of this album. It's honest, refreshing and makes any preceding discomfort quite worthwhile.

"Rid Of Me" deserves every accolade its every gotten, and probably every criticism. It's fearless, it's engaging and it's interesting. It's worth revisiting over time as we expose ourselves to new music. It's very possible that "Rid Of Me" is an acquired taste, but it's well worth it.

PJ Harvey - "Dry" Commentary

I started my PJ Harvey retrospective today by listening to "Dry," which I'd not heard straight through in a long time. I only mildly appreciated this record when it first came out, but today I HEARD it like it was the first time. This album is like my shower loofah: a little abrasive & a little grimy, but it feels really good & leaves me shinier.

For a 1992 independent release, this record is paradoxically both kind of dated and ahead of its time. There were a lot of women rock artists experimenting with vocal styles in 1992, but (with the notable exception of Bjork) none of them showed the stylistic range of a hungry, blues-soaked Polly Harvey. The band evokes the Pixies with some loud-quiet-loud dynamic, and with the drums sounding raw and big, that dynamic may be the most uncomfortable part of the album - Harvey's voice pretty much demands we listen. The guitars often sound like they're barely in tune, but as much as that is a feature of the height of the Nirvana era, Harvey's voice always balances any atonality. Pretty powerful weapon, that voice.

"Sheela-Na-Gig" is the centerpiece of the album. This song would fit comfortably into the catalog of either the Pixies or Nirvana, but that is not to say it's derivative - that's to put PJ Harvey in the same company with those two bands. What sets this band apart from those two worthy contemporaries, though, is a seriously women-centric point of view.  "Sheela-Na-Gig" scared me a lot as a man when I first heard it. Now I hear it much more as an invocation of timeless feminine energy, and appreciate Harvey's use of such ancient images in such powerful rock music.

This album is almost 20 years old, but I think its energy, bluesy power and dynamic vocal performance all help it to escape the early 90s to live on as a classic independent rock album. Especially as a debut, this record showcases a songwriter and a band poised on the brink of a really wide-ranging musical journey, and is a great listen.

Top Ten Albums of 2010

I again had a great time listening to music this past year. It helped me to survive tough times and celebrate good ones. I myself am pretty tired of everyone's 2010 Top Ten, so I'm going to be very brief here:

10. Kaskade - Dynasty

Easily my favorite contemporary house producer, this record holds true to form and offers up some proper gems.

 9. Reflection Eternal - RPMs

The reunion of Reflection Eternal is a really nice moment in hip-hop. This album, like most of Kweli's work, reveals new complexity upon repeated listening, making this an easy one to have in heavy rotation. 

8 MC Frontalot - Zero Day

A masterpiece in the subgenre, "Zero Day" is funny, smart and very inviting. Front is a serious, hardworking artist, and it really shows on this album. Don't miss the live show if you get the chance.

7. Die Antwoord - EP

The LP that Die Antwoord put out on interscope in 2010 was a watered-down version of what they had streaming on their website through most of 2009, and I found it disappointing in that form. The EP, however, is tight, energetic, and very professional. It's actually really easy to overplay. (I never thought I'd say this, but I'm honestly pretty tired of "Enter the Ninja..."). 

6. Bonobo - Black Sands

THE standout downtempo album of the year. This album makes me think of pleasant outdoor adventures, and was the only album on this list I could play for my in-laws.
  
5.David Byrne & Fatboy Slim - Here Lies Love
Smart, pleasant and poppy, this concept album about the life of Imelda Marcos is really beautiful. It honestly wasn't what I expected from either of the two artists involved here, so I found this album to be quite refreshing.

4. Vampire Weekend - Contra
Probably my most-listened album on this list, this album is a songwriting tour de force. It's full of catchy hooks and evocative imagery, and is abstract enough to appeal to hipsters and pop-listeners alike. 

3. Mark Ronson - Record Collection
Mark Ronson's got his pulse on pop music in a big way. As far as I'm concerned, he can do no wrong lately. This album is upbeat and well-visited by guest stars. It's an excellent nod to Ronson's new wave influences and also to the hip-hop artists who are still clearly inspiring him. 

2. Robyn - The Body Talk Project
If this trio of releases turns out to be Robyn's maserpiece, we can consider hers a successful career. The 2 LPs and 1 EP she released this year are dance-pop for grownups. They recognize heartache and wisdom, but they also celebrate honesty and the healing power of music. Robyn is clearly at a creative high point, and these albums impressed me with their depth and elegance. 

1. Sleigh Bells - Treats
There was a bunch of music I enjoyed in 2010, but it was easy to pick my favorite. I've never heard an album like "Treats" before, and I've never seen my friends react so positively to something so loud and messy. What we have here is serious dance music made by rock minimalists, and it's awesome. This is well constructed album with no filler and consistently high-energy rhythms.

Diggin Deep

When I throw parties, I love to pre-mix the music so that it's thoughtful, well-timed and autonomous. It's not as good as having a proper live DJ in the house, but it's cheaper, takes less space and has a ton less attitude. I really enjoy the process of envisioning the atmosphere of the gathering, and choosing the music to create that atmosphere. Currently I'm working on some music for our upcoming housewarming party featuring a 1990s theme. Starting with wikipedia's list of albums released each year, I'm going through and picking out the most fun music of each year. Focusing on just one year at a time is bringing back a lot of fun memories. I just started checking out 1992, and I stumbled across this little nugget. We all remember Right Said Fred's big hit. There's no need to say it out loud. What I hadn't remembered until today was that there was a 2nd single from that album that I liked a lot more than the first one...

I've never been ashamed to enjoy pop music, and to listen to this music brings back the powerful awkwardness of my early adolescence. I was newly 15 when the song came out and had like one proper kiss in my whole life. I thought this was the hottest song I'd ever heard. That's not to say I was a musical fool in 92. I was down with Nirvana and Tribe Called Quest. However, if I was trying to play spin the bottle at your party (and I most certainly WAS trying), THIS was the music I was going to put on.

Commentary on the Frontman

Tonight I watched Cocksucker Blues, the mythological film about the Rolling Stones 1972 US tour in support of Exile On Main Street. Though I had no trouble finding a copy through above-ground means, I understand it's technically illegal to watch this film. Though this film is witness to all the usual indulgences of rock stars, it's really not all that exciting. Naked women on private planes and everybody doing cocaine on film seem like normal daily activities for these folks. So as far as rock films go, I say, "meh." However, there are two aspects of this film that stand out: the performance footage (especially Mick Jagger), and the use of light to set tone.

Mick Jagger looks really, really good in this film. Silm, aloof and sporting perfectly tousled hair, he saves all his charisma for the stage. During the live performances, Jagger is at his finest: bodily expressive - often so hyper as to be almost jerky - and clearly in his element, he is the consummate frontman: a conduit for the energy of both the band and the audience. I think of great vocalists I've seen perform: Marilyn Manson, Wayne Coyne, Gwen Stefani. These people have a different talent from being a "great musician". GG Allin was not a great musician, but he was a spectacular performer, and I can think of artists like Liz Phair or Bob Mould who are both well talented, but do not have the same caliber of stage presence as those I previously mentioned.

My favorite part of this movie is the way it uses light. Some scenes are almost completely washed out in white, making the characters stand out as dreamy silhouettes, while others use a wide spectrum of bright colors to convey the intense spectacle of a Rolling Stones performance. At the high point of the film, the Rolling Stones are on stage with Stevie Wonder and a full band. We see the audience only as a blur at the edges of the screen, but the stage is full of musicians in Technicolor costume as a spotlight shines down on Mick and Stevie as ringmasters of the rock circus. The two ooze with the raw love that sets great rock apart from good and the moment, as always, is way too short.

While I'll probably watch Green Day's Bullet In A Bible or Nine Inch Nails' Closure a second time before I watch Cocksucker Blues again, I'm glad I watched it. This IS really interesting rock music. These guys clearly love destroying the blues the same way Jimi and Zeppelin do, and I love them for that, even if I prefer my rock music with a little more laugh and a little less sneer.

Die Antwoord commentary

Some musical acts leave a rich first impression. I remember seeing the video for "Sweet Child O' Mine" and staring with my mouth agape. The first time I heard "Praise You," I wanted it to never end. In the same vein, the first time I watched Die Antwoord's promo video "Zef Side" I froze in my tracks and watched it a second time for clues as to whether these people were serious or joking. I felt confused, intrigued and mildly dirty, like the first time that I ate one of those sandwiches that has french fries and cole slaw on it.

Needless to say, like many of my fellow avid listeners, I had to know more. I watched the video for "Enter The Ninja" and still couldn't figure out if they were serious. I went to the eponymous website, listened to the album, and talked about it with a fellow new fan. This band came out of nowhere, and spread news of their existence one url at a time. No radio. No mainstream video (wait, is youtube mainstream?). Just a handful of highly stylized videos and a provocative, addictive website. That's the brilliance here. Die Antwoord's web presence is more than enough to set this band up for worldwide fame, but that's not my favorite part of the story. Here's where it becomes the model for the rock band of the future: In my head, I've already purchased the CD, the concert ticket and the t-shirt, and these items aren't even yet available for purchase. If they get their timing right with those things, they'll be rock tycoons: leaders of a new generation of hybridized, stylized multimedia acts manifesting pre-distributed without "major" labels.

To a certain extent the medium is the message, and how and why I came to experience Die Antwoord matters as much as what I hear and see here. That being said, this music is fantastic. Shot through with the influence of nearly every contemporary music form, "$O$" is energetic and surprising. Vocalists Ninja and Yo-Landi give us attitude the entire time, and they do it with such color and humor that I can't help but feel enchanted. Lines like, "You should've known better than to fuck with a ninja with an attitude" tell me that this group knows exactly what it's doing in constructing this musical experience, and is having a great time in the process.

Steve's Three Rules of Art

"Art is why I get up in the morning. My definition ends there." - Ani Difranco

1. Art is where I find it.



The experience of art is inherently subjective and reflects the great variety of bio-cultural influences from which we create our personalities. Art is self-identifying like subcultural affiliation. At the very least, Marcel Duchamp showed us that the artistic experience is a relationship between the artist, the piece and the audience. This relationship can be subtle and deeply personal, so no one of us can predict the quality of that relationship in another person. Therefore, art is not where *you* find it, but where *I* find it.




2. Good art moves me.



We consider the tragic film as worthy as the comedy. I love the songs that make me cry as much as I love the songs that make me dance. Art pieces which celebrate the dark and seedy are as powerful as cathedrals built as monuments to human perfectibility. I consider a work of art "good" if it provokes emotion in me, and I make no judgement as to the quality of that emotion. I generally prefer to be happy, so I prefer to expose myself to art that tends to make me feel that way. However, this rule gives me a measuring stick by which I can compare art in various media and from various backgrounds, based on my relative emotional experience.




3. Great art moves me in new ways upon repeated consideration.



Some of my favorite albums completely baffled me upon early listening. I didn't laugh at "Pootie Tang" the first time I watched it. Aimee Mann's mid-90s hit, "That's Just What You Are" sounds fresh and different to me from time to time as my marriage becomes ever better seasoned. I do not "interpret" great art: great art reflects me. This is the reason great art lingers through time and becomes classical. We see new subtleties in the Mona Lisa, and we keep discovering Romeo and Juliet in our hearts, a few hundred years later. I believe art, at its core, is an instinctual activity. Artists simply can't help themselves. "To create and express" is as good an answer as any to the question of "why are we here?" So the greatest of art reveals its true depth slowly, and only with time and space.

Top 10 Songs of 2009

2009 was a great year in music. Check out these collaborations, hybridizations and commentaries. If you've partied with me at all this year, you've heard them.

10. N.A.S.A. - The People Tree (f David Byrne, Chali 2na, Gift of Gab and Z-Trip)
    

    I think the guest artist list here really says it all.

    
    
    
    
9. The Very Best - Warm Heart of Africa (f Ezra Koenig)
   

   Sleeper jam of the year. I don't think a lot of Americans heard this song, but I really love it.

   
   
   
   
8. Big Business - The Drift
   

   This band shows off their form with a heavy, minimal and melodic sing-along. Sample lyric: "Cant' draw a map with honey: not a lesson, that's just good advice."

   
   
   
   
7. Basement Jaxx - Raindrops
   

   This song brought tears of joy multiple times this year. Hands up!

   
   
   
   
6. Das Racist - Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell (Wallpaper remix)
   

   Love it or hate it, this postmodern take on urban culture is undeniably catchy and funny.

   
   
   
   
5. Julian Casablancas - Out Of The Blue
   

   Here we see Casablancas flexing his lyricist muscles. This song is beautifully constructed and poignant in its simplicity. BONUS: Plethora of sing-along harmonizing opportunities.

   
   
   
   
4. The Lonely Island - I'm On A Boat (f T-Pain)
   

   This is the song that made me love T-Pain, since he's clearly having a great time making fun of himself. This song will freak out a party, and leave people trying to pretend they don't know the words. Hit the deck, but stay on your toes.

   
   
   
   
3. Jay-Z and Alicia Keys - Empire State Of Mind
   

   I don't want to be down. I'm totally West Coast. I can't front on this song, though: it's a fantastic performance, full of soul and passion from both Jay and Alicia. Long live the Roc.

   
   
   
   
2. Mos Def - Twilite Speedball
   

   "Having a good time... every day." This is a video of a performance I got to see this year thanks to my superfriend Leslie. Mos never stops. He makes it look easy. I'm honored to be alive while he's making such fresh grooves.

   
   
   
   
1. USS - Laces Out
   

   Here's what I hear here: Ska, Big Beat, Hip-hop, Motown, New Wave, Beatles, Springsteen. That's the way to my heart.

   
   
   

Top 10 Albums of 2009

10. Silversun Pickups - Swoon

This is a record I intend to return to in the summertime. It's refreshing and rockin, both serious and light at the same time. I'm happy this band picked up where Smashing Pumpkins left off.

9. Pyramids With Nadja - Pyramids With Nadja

The lone Hydra Head release on this year's top 10, this record shows the real beauty available in the ambient metal form. Most folks I've played this for have said, "this is metal?"

8. Mastodon - Crack The Skye

Nobody wonders whether this album is metal. My favorite metal album of the year, "Crack The Skye" is smart and fearless. It's also my choice for saddest album of the year, and I'm amazed this band lived through the process of writing this music.

7. Julian Casablancas - Phrazes For The Young

While seeing 80s-style clothing around town still freaks me out, I'm very happy about the way artists are revisiting the late 80s alternative and new wave scenes. This album is poppy, accessible and witty. It's quite a good step forward for Casablancas.

6. The Difference Engine - Breadmaker

While they call themselves a "steampunk" band, this album is pure power pop. There's really pretty guitar sounds here - kind of dreamy and airy. My intuition says this record will yield some more gems upon continued listening.

5. BK-One - Radio Do Canibal

BK-One has been Brother Ali's touring DJ for a while, and he carries on the hip-hop tradition in a very inclusive and positive manner. This album focuses on Brazilian influences, but is so full of guest verses and familiar beats

4. Basement Jaxx - Scars

I don't think these guys care what anyone thinks. This album is all over the place, and continues to surprise me. Jaxx are strong as ever, and "Scars" is as proper a party album as they come. There's guest artists on almost every song, and the global scope of their samples tells me these guys have been having a lot of fun digging deep in the bins.

3. Brother Ali - Us

This is overall a slower, more pensive album than Ali's previous full-length, "The Undisputed Truth," but is a clear example of an amazing artist still improving, still focusing his power on really changing the world. Brother Ali and Rhymesayers absolutely represent the hopeful future of underground hip-hop.

2. USS (Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker) - Questamation

Here is my confession: this is the band I've been hoping to hear for a long time. I believe the future of rock music is all about hybridization, and USS embraces this idea wholeheartedly. Equal parts fresh-faced rock and knob-twiddler-party, this album defies categorization and keeps me guessing.

1. Mos Def - The Ecstatic

Without a doubt, "The Ecstatic" is a masterpiece. 16 songs in 45 minutes and consistently fascinating from beginning to end, this album stands out as a rebuttal to anyone who said rap music was a fad, or that MCs don't have real musical talent. Mos has perfect delivery: it's expressive, powerful and subtle. His rhymes are playful, abstract and evocative, and he sounds like he's having a fantastic time. In contrast to some other great albums this year, Mos barely shares the stage here. Talib Kweli stops by near the end of the album, and "Auditorium" features Slick Rick dropping an amazing verse from the point of view of an American soldier in Iraq. 2009 was a great year for underground music, so turn your radio off and fall in love with an independent label or two!

On Friendship in the New Year

I'm celebrating New Years this year with some old friends, and amazed at the beauty our aging is bringing us. I now have friendships I can trace back to the 5th grade, well over 20 years. Some of those folks I see on facebook all the time!
Every year we note the passing of time, the ticking of the big-ass clock. Every year it's hyped up and well planned. Yet rarely are these the best parties of the year. Often, they're bittersweet or anticlimactic. It's hard to forget ourselves in the miasma of equal parts hope and fear that surrounds the changing of the year.
This year, I say fuck that. Let us gather in families, posses, scenes and cities. Let us look at the sky and wonder what it means to be alive. Let us laugh and cry and dance about it all. Let us remember the many forms friendship takes: from the single-serving moment of shared humanity to the Krameresque neighbor we are both happy and surprised to see every day. Let us simply be together.
09 was the year of facebook, the year of underground hip-hop and metal. It was the year of progressive reality-checks and conservative schism. These factors influenced my friendships; because of them, I both made and lost friends (a net gain, I believe).
This year I saw the scariest movie I've ever seen: Paranormal Activity. (Everybody in the theater screamed at once - it was awesome.) I sent probably 10,000 text messages and received as many. I made friends with a spider.
Next year let's dance more, hug more and eat better food. Let's go to bigger parties and smaller shows. Let's discover a favorite new band and a favorite old band. Let's learn something new about someone we've known forever, and maybe even something new about ourselves. Next year when we end a conversation with, "Peace," let's mean it a little more.
Peace!

I Am An American Man

Note: This is a repost from my private blog, 2006.

I drank 2 20 oz Dr. Peppers, and 1 cup of coffee.
I ate 1 microwave pasta dish, one frozen toaster oven entree, and a double fried lunch of chicken and potatoes.

I watched South Park and a rerun of Saturday Night Live.
I turned off SNL before the news because I have no love for Norm MacDonald.

I burned about 1/10 of a gallon of gas...
...and farted enough to fill up the gallon.

I have a beer belly decorated with tattoos.
I live with a white girl so healthy and pretty that her type doesn't exist in 90% of the world.

I watched lonelygirl15, the most popular girl on youtube.

I have no love for war, but I'm confused as to which ways I support it, which ways I can help stop it, and how to make that decision.

I bought name brand products.
I complained about corporations.

I did something illegal, but not immoral.
Most of what I did today was "immoral" by the "standards" of popular "religion."
I profess to be religious, but not "one of those."

I am a child of advertising.
Although I sincerely believe in and practice equality, I receive the benefits of gender privilege, class privilege, race privilege, and citizenship privilege, none of which I have earned.

I believe in something better, and believe I have the means to achieve it.
I worry that my belief in something better has already been commodified and branded, and that I won't be able to afford it.

I am a revolutionary and a peaceful citizen.
I participate and subvert.
I am publicly generous and privately greedy.
I am very friendly and very obnoxious.

I am an American Man.

Some things I love about America

I'm really American. Mixed-blood, Army family, Eagle Scout. One of the First World gifts my parents gave me is a world-class education. A powerful effect of this education is that I have a sense of the influence my country has had on the world in the past 233 years, and especially in the last 60. All politics aside, some of this influence has been life-affirming and some of it has been destructive. This entry is not about that, because the things I really love about America have about zero to do with politics or global influence.

First, I love the multiculturalism. Even as a middle class white boy I grew up with access to all of the world's music at my fingertips, and a bundle of friends and family in many colors, creeds and styles. My parents and teachers made it very clear from early on that to be American was to treat everybody equally, and respect everybody's freedom. My 8th grade teacher and the current principal of St. Vincent de Paul school in San Francisco, Mrs. Harvey, spent a few weeks teaching us comparative religion. She taught us about Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Shinto, Taoism and Confucianism. We learned about the basic tenets and practices of each tradition, and where around the world people practice them. Though this was a Catholic school (and quite actively so), there was no judgement in this lesson. I guess one of the perils of teaching our children to think critically is taking the risk that they will question and reject the tradition which taught them how to do so. I rejected the classical tradition in which I was raised for a worldview that is both more inclusive and more individualized than that of my childhood. This is about the most American thing I've ever done, and I am happy to live among millions of people who have done the same thing to varying degrees. I believe our intellectual and spiritual diversity is a great strength, and I celebrate that.

Second, I love the people. I love our culture of loud exuberance, of living our lives with gusto. I love that we root for the underdog and embrace the ugly duckling. I love that we produced Tina Fey, Kurt Vonnegut and Oprah Winfrey. Constant, peaceful changes in power are normal for us, from our local hobby group to our national elections. If there is a barbecue, a rock show or a competition of pretty much any sort going on, we'll be there, screaming "YOU SUCK!" at an arbitrarily-chosen opponent. I love that.

Really, though, it's the land. This place - sea to shining sea and all that - never ceases to amaze me with it's natural wonders. We all have parts of this country that we love, pieces of land and natural formations that remind us of the richness of our lives here. We've settled in some of the lushest parts of the world (hello Pacific Northwest) and some of the most inhospitable (hello Great Salt Lake). I've been lucky enough to see some of the more desolate spots in this country, and my best memories are inexorably tied to the land. My personal mental refuge (my "happy place" if you will) is in the American desert, around a campfire with a friend, which is how I know this place must be in my blood.

No matter how well or poorly our government represents me personally, growing up in a democracy means that I know, in the end, that societal and cultural power comes from the people. We're imperfect, we're fickle, we're impressionable. We work hard, play hard and argue about all of it. My one hope is that we continue to embrace multiculturalism and diversity in an active way, and that we begin to really celebrate our role as citizens of the world. In celebration of how far we've already come along that road, I intend to laugh heartily, sing loudly and get sweaty. I'm really American, and I'm pretty cool with that.